My First Post - Stating the Obvious: I HATE ALS

So I don't even know where to begin.  I have thoughts all day long that I want to record, but by the time I get to the computer I just can't seem to think of what to say.    Everyday I'm heartbroken.  I don't want pity - that would be selfish of me.  You will find, though, at times I am selfish - sometimes very selfish.  It's not a trait I'm proud of.  This is something my mother has NEVER been.  I've never seen her put herself before others.  This isn't an exaggeration either.  While I am stubborn like my mom I do not possess the same blessed soul as she.   As she struggles to figure out how to live now being almost completely dependent on others to meet her physical needs, I mourn.    I actually dreamt today during a nap I took on her couch that she started getting better.  I dreamt she was standing in her kitchen making a batch of cookies for the kids.  I woke up feeling happy for a split moment thinking it was true. That split second in the realm between sleep and being fully awake was gut-wrenching.   What a cruel, cruel dream.  I hate ALS and everything about it.